再次打开写新文章的页面时,荧幕前左下角的日期经已是2010年11月24日了。
日子一天一天过,太多想敲下的记忆却在太少适合的时间下溜走。
我知道我的记忆不好,就算天天温习着的,也有逐渐淡忘的哪一天。
每每总要靠着曾经敲下的那每一个字句来回忆起曾经的想法。
话说最近,每天都把自己关在熟悉的环境之外,努力和自己相处着。
天知道为什么人活着难免会让物质欲给牵着走。
每分每秒都在斤斤计较着数字的上下起落。
什么时间什么价值什么回报等等等。仿佛通过数字把一切系统化就能得到最好的。
事实并不然。一切也没那么简单。
所谓看透只是一个形容词。看透背后的意义却过于广阔。
简称限制内的无限。反之亦然的无限内存在的有限。
有人说这里是天堂。
有人说这里怎么那么#%&×什么都没有。
有人毫无保留地为之疯狂着。
有人轻视着路过,质疑着其中的价值。
要问我意见吗? 我只想说抱歉。
这已经是第三个月的第24日了。
我依然还没组合起那最适合的词汇。
一切说起来着实太零丁琐碎了。
无论如何都拼凑不出那一个最完美的画面。
很多时候总在纳闷着,怎么接触越多却越发觉得自己无知。
陷入的时间越长也越质疑自己的能力。
那天你才说来:“你和相机都相处了十年有余吧。”
岂止,相机简直就是我小时候的玩具。
从胶卷傻瓜相机到DSLR,再来手机相机,到现在的胶卷SLR。
如果我说我对相机也不怎么熟悉,有人会相信吗?
事实就是如此。比较多机会接触,不代表会花时间去了解。
如果不是因为身份的转变,我想,至今我依然是哪一个摆起来好看实则是个空壳。
比如,玩了DSLR好几年,改行卖玩具相机后才开始明白什么是光圈什么是快门等的基本入门。
多得这些零散片段,才能造就如今的自己。
所以始终还是要学会圆滑。
初入门吗?建议你先使用asa400吧。
为了安全着想。再说,有闪光灯就更不必怕了。
我总是这样说着。
虽然我本身不怎么喜欢高asa搭配闪光灯。
爱上的,始终是放低的asa搭上加长的曝光时间。
后来,有客人说asa400拍出来的相片始终不够亮。
可我只想大大声说我试验利用asa100拍出来的效果都很够看了。
矛盾点就如此这般拉扯着。
喜爱的还是收藏着好。说出口的最好是适合大众口味的官方腔。
只是,要最好的吗?
对不起。我可以保持沉默吗?
照片的好坏相机只占了一个小小的位置而更主要的还是人为因素。
要我怎么说,才能在最短的时间内把关于我的故事给说个明白。
最初我也为着不必使用电池的相机而惊讶着。
最初我也曾经拿着不算差的相机却连菲林都安装不好而骂着自己白痴。
最初我也不相信低asa在少了闪光灯的室内是个禁忌。
最初的这些,也不过是一年以前开始使用胶卷菲林的事情。
在那之前的数码时代,对着总可以到手的不属于自己的DSLR。
也曾经零经验就去拍摄了华人,马来人还有土著的婚礼。
更早以前,当我还是个中学生时,甚至代替做月的姐拍摄pre-wedding studio photo。
想起来是很扯。说起来却让人心虚。
小时候努力想证明自己,他人却因小毛头的外表而拒绝给予信任。
长大后只想努力做好自己不要误导他人,他人却因为外表的成见表达的自信而给予判断。
结果才发现,越是信誓旦旦的言语越是不可信。
自信可以伪装出来。
事实却未必能在自信的包装下安然度过时间的考验。
谢谢光临。
Have a nice day =)
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